Followers

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Rambling to rumble Karo, aka, the start of the next great novel

Unemployment, the best way to meet your synagogue’s sisterhood, to be reintroduced to the distant family friends that last saw you when you were learning how to read, to the friend of a friend of a friend of someone your cousin once dated, before she moved to Israel and got married and joined another sisterhood. There’s also the friend of a friend whose cousin you yourself dated, or pined for or despised, or all of the above, but that was back in college, already a distant two months ago, back before you weren’t unemployed but an undergraduate with the endless amounts of potential. Instead you sit with an unending cup of coffee for endless hours at the local coffee shop. The one that became hip while you were away at college exploring the definition of hip, rejecting hip, replacing it with greek letters, being rejected by hip, then coming to terms with it, four years goes by fast. I wonder if that’s how long my job search could go on?


Meanwhile you sit, and you write, you answer every phone call, even those from your mother with “Hi this is…” and fight the urge to add, “what you got for me?” I hope I still look like lazy college student with potential rather than a soccer mom in between carpool pick-ups. Good thing I’ve got my cute pink ipod and trendy shoulder bag going, and no self respecting soccer mom would leave the house without sensible running shoes rather than the flip-flops with no support that I still rock with my college tee. Four years went by faster than these two month have. Weeks spent in transition, days wither away on Craigslist and enraptured with the latest Lifetime melodrama. Don’t feel too bad though, the only reason you’re too broke for anything but a double vodka tonic at happy hour with your underemployed friends and extended facebook network is because you took the nest egg gathered up from envelopes and neatly folded checks tucked into the folds of your graduation gown and blew it on a plane ticket and a backpack, beers and scoops of gelato during an entire month in Europe. At least your nest egg bought a few good stories of adventure, Canadian boys and blistering sunburns. And you learned how to read a map.


Refresh Gmail, refresh facebook, isn’t there a program that can do that simultaneously? Too bad you were too tech-illiterate to take a class on programming, that could be a nifty skill to put on a resume. Resume skills, there’s always that ace-in-hole that you played basketball for two years in junior high and soccer for a few in high school, you would make a great addition to a Congressional softball team or a non-profit kickball league. You could find a new outlet for all that anger over your banishment from the world of the co-ed.

The time I sent a fundraising letter to my parents

me: i had another fundraising interview today actuallybut i think i'd just prefer to sleep late, go to the gym, get lunch and go to happy hour
w: sounds like a nice life
me: i think so, i should start looking for a sponsor
w: yeah, it's called your parents.
me: i should write my parents a fundraising letter!
dear friend,

i want to thank you for your support over the past 22 years. your
donations have made a valuable contribution to the lifestyle of one
relwoods. i am writing today to ask you to
continue your support for this special cause. these are trying times,
the period between college and the real world is a scary place, and
your donation will be put to good use throughout the district of
columbia bar and retail scene. we thank you again for your continuing
support and look forward to seeing you for the high holidays and
thanksgiving

all the best,

your daughter


All was fun and games until my actual father utilized the "REPLY TO ALL" feature, instantly reaching a level of parental embarrassment heretofore only imagined.

We look forward to continuing this charitable giving program for an
additional brief period of time, since in about 10-15 years, we anticipate
that the roles will be reversed. We look forward to YOUR support, to make
possible the "sleep late/gym/lunch/happy hour" lifestyle at that time.

-- the 'rents

Ps: Are the contributions tax deductible ?

Who reads blogs?

Margaret: has anyone ever told you that you are slightly ridiculous
me: no
Margaret: your fundraising letter almost made me pee my pants
you should just start a witty dc blogme: i mean i have heard entirely ridiculous
who reads blogs?
Margaret: i dunno - you?
me: not really
would you read my blog?
Margaret: OF COURSE
duh i'm always looking for new ways to slack off at work
me: that would be so much pressure, what if i wasn't funny all the time?
Margaret: true
how do you even make money doing that
i mean, how do you make that your job
me: i mean, i don't think i would be able to get hired if i had a really juicy blog